I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
