you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
