Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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