My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize