my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
