I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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