I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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