Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
