so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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