We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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