Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
