i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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