im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
