im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
