New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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