i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
