Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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