So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
