So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
