you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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