I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
