hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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