woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
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Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
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I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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