he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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