how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
