i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
