I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
