Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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