my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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