For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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