you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
