Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Where is the hickey?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
