I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
