But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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