Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
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Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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