I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
These tits shall not be calmed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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