I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize