youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
