Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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