she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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