No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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