I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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