I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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