Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize