I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
