I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
