I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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