no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
