I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
