Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
