In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
