Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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