I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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