I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
