shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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