Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
