I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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