My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
