i just wanna soil my oats bro
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
