its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
