we made out on top of his cat.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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