he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize