Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Also, beer. Big fan.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
